Victimhood

Being a victim takes many forms: excuses, justification, rationalization, blaming — well, you get the idea. Being a victim of circumstances, the weather, the government, the unjust laws and regulations, your neighbor, your parents, your tyrannical boss, is easy. Gaining mastery over your life, not so much.

I am not what happened to me. I am what I choose to become.

I was born and raised in communist Hungary, where I now live, albeit not under communist rule. We have, collectively, mastered the art of victimhood. It is etched into our DNA. We have a saying, roughly translated, "We live at the crossroads of armies." There is a phrase in our national anthem, "We have suffered our past as well as our future." Deeply carved into the collective psyche: we are victims, what can we do? Well, Rabbi Sacks said,

A culture of victimhood wins the compassion of others but at too high a cost. It incubates feelings of resentment, humiliation, grievance and grudge. It leads people to rage against the world instead of taking steps to mend it.

From a cultural perspective, it is deeply troubling and very sad. When I managed to escape to the United States at the tender age of 19, I was convinced that it would take a generation to shift the mindset. Here we are, nearly six decades later and people's attitudes haven't changed much, if at all. The contrast to the prevailing consciousness at my American home in the heart of Silicon Valley couldn't be more stark.

In Cupertino, California and surrounding area the air buzzes with the electricity of excitement — of opportunity, of the infinite possibilities. When you put forth an idea there, you are surrounded by people who encourage and support you. "Yes, and you could also do this and add that…" and "I know someone who could help with your business plan, or marketing, or getting mezzanine financing, and …"

Here in Hungary, and I suspect in most of central and eastern Europe, it is markedly different. If you put an idea out in the ether, you will be surrounded by a dozen or more people telling you why you cannot do that. Just to start a simple business takes a lot of work (and money), special tax status from the national tax authority which requires a bookkeeper, a local tax permit from the city hall, a membership in the Chamber of Commerce, and possibly a lot more.

As I said above, being a victim is easy.

It is comfortable to be a victim because it exempts us from responsibility for the consequences. It also means that we have no say in the outcomes. To succeed in life, we must make a conscious and deliberate choice. Are you a victim of circumstances or have mastery over your fate? The two are mutually exclusive — you cannot be both.

We live in the world we create

Can you just imagine that you create the world (and life) you experience? It sounds like fantasy, a "Think and Grow Rich" kind of psychobabble. Yet, it is so. As it is within, so is without. An honest person lives in an honest world. A deceitful one lives in a deceitful world. A trusting person creates a trusting world. A liar creates a world where truth is fungible. A loving person creates a world filled with love. A hateful person creates a world filled with hate. And so it goes, Sic transit gloria mundi, thus passes the glory of the world.

If you think that making a choice to be the master of your fate is easier said than done, you would be absolutely right. Mastery requires taking personal responsibility for the consequences of thoughts, words, and actions. This was covered in the previous chapter, so I will not elaborate. Suffice it to say that mastery is a journey, not a destination. It is a lifelong commitment to personal growth and development. Commit to accept what is, be willing and have the courage to change what you can, even (or especially) your own mind.

Mastery of Fate

Mastery means that you take full responsibility for your life. You are the creator of your reality. You are the master of your fate. It also means the willingness, courage and ability to deal with whatever life throws at you. It means that you are willing to face your fears, the uncertainty of outcomes, the unknown. It means that you are willing to take risks, to step out of your comfort zone, to embrace change. It does take a lot of courage and determination, but the rewards are well worth it.

Continue this journey with me, as we explore the next steps on the path to mastery of life. The next chapter covers attaining inner peace through acceptance.